Doctor Who: The Spin-offs of Madness

In my head, I can hear that post title delivered by the woman who does the 2 Entertain DVDs. I have no idea who she is, or how much she got paid for reading out all those titles, but presumably she only had to say “To select audio navigation, press enter now” on just the one occasion (Did she do titles for the missing stories? I can visualise her saying “Doctor Who: Fury From The Deep. Eventually.”)

“When I rule the world,” says Gareth, “I will make sure that DVDs don’t play snippets of the programme over the menu.  It gets very annoying to have the same bit on a loop repeatedly, or playing every time you go to the Special Features menu.  There’s one Davison where the Special Features menu has Tegan saying ‘Doctor, look!’ immediately, and you get this every time.  It’s become something of a joke here.” And, of course, it ruined ‘Earthshock’, the first-episode twist of which I was trying to keep secret from Thomas.

Anyway. I was thinking the other week about Rose Tyler: Earth Defence, and wondering if the world’s a poorer place for its absence. It strikes me that you could do Further Adventures of… for all the companions, even the dead ones (Adric’s journey through the Underworld, where he meets Orpheus and Saddam Hussein, would have been splendid.) There’s plenty of mileage in Peter Purves trying to rule a kingdom and screwing it up royally (in a quite literal sense), and I still think Martha and Mickey: Bounty Hunters has mileage, even though Gareth and I have agreed never to talk about it again.

Actually, I just Googled Earth Defence, and someone has made this, and I confess I rather liked it.

Consider –

Commander Benton’s Officer School

What Have The Romanas Ever Done For Us?

The Further Adventures of Zoe, or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bum

Still. It’s children’s programmes that rule the roost in our house. When the TV is on during the day it’s either showing CBeebies or repeats of Superted. Occasionally I can sway them towards The Muppets, provided Horrid Henry has finished for the day. I can’t name you a single contestant on this year’s I’m A Celebrity, but I do know every single character in Everything’s Rosie. (They’re all quite fun, except for Bluebird, who irritates the pants off me.)

With all this in mind, last night there was Photoshopping (Fireworksing, in truth, which doesn’t seem to slip off the tongue quite as well – it sounds like something teenagers do on a Friday night in Burnley). Some time and several glasses of wine later, we had this lot. You’ll have seen one of them before. And unless you’re British, and of a certain age, at least a couple of them are going to pass you by. And the last one really is a bit…well. But I don’t care, because I have bacon.

 

dw_Charley

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